Wednesday, March 2, 2011

12 Primary Love Needs

In our training center students study the physical requirements of becoming a warrior while simultaneously learning to harness the mental abilities of a scholar.  The ability to control both the physical and mental side on oneself shows true mastery and in order to master victory over any opponent, one must truly learn to "know thyself" first.

When several students commented on last month's theme, and asked us to share it, I thought it might be appropriate to share here.  Perhaps you'll find some use from this; perhaps with a spouse, a friend, a relative, or even a student of your own.  These lessons can work universally, however they are just guidelines.  They are primarily intended for loving, respectful relationships, and should always be used with common sense.  While these are generally guidelines for working with the opposite sex, some people may need the opposite of what you'd expect.  We all share some form of masculine and feminine qualities, however large or small.  This is the Yin and Yang of life.  The key is to seek first to understand the needs of one another and then you can begin unlocking the mystery of a synergetic relationship.   

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Men and women are often unaware that they have different emotional needs.  As a result, they do not instinctively know how to support each other.  Both typically give in a relationship, what they would want.  Each mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires.

12 Primary Love Needs
1.      She needs Caring- Show interest in her feelings.
He needs Trust- Trust in his abilities and his intentions.

2.      She- Understanding- Listen without judgment and with empathy.
He- Acceptance- Love him without trying to change him.

3.      She- Respect- Acknowledge her rights, wishes, and needs.
He- Appreciation- Acknowledge his efforts, behavior, and its value to you.

4.      She- Devotion- Give priority to supporting and fulfilling her.
He- Admiration- Admire him with wonder, delight, and appreciation.

5.      She- Validation- Validate her feelings and point of view.
He- Approval- Recognize the good reasons behind his actions.

6.      She- Reassurance- Let her know she is loved… continually.
He- Encouragement- Give him courage by expressing confidence in his abilities and character.

These ideas were adapted from “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” By John Gray, Ph.D
A recommended read for learning to communicate better.

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